Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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