I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
