Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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