my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
