i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
