how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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