u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
