I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
