I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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