I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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