PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
