it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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