I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
