So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
