I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
