Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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