The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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