worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
