Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
