I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
