I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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