We won't sleep together?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
