My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
