Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
