You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
