I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
