Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
