Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
