Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
