Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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