You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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