am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
