his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
