Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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