can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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