idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
