Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
