We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
