I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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