yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
