apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
