don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
