dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
