Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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