if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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