Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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