after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
