How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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