He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
