The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
